"Islands in the stream, that is what we are, no-one in between, how can we be wrong?": Dolly Parton and Kenny Rodgers
The world moves in mysterious ways, and after my rant below, I feel someone is watching over me.
Big smiles.
I don't think I'm looking particularly good today after a roller-coaster week of emotions, but I've just been chatted up.
Nice guy in trendy torn jeans, white t-shirt with sunglasses resting on his bald head.
Flirting outrageously.
It happens now and again when I go out, and I'm not really sure how to react.
Still a new experience on this side of the fence.
I like it, but not entirely sure why.
Being trans is nearly always linked with being gay. It's true that we face the same enemies in terms of bigots, but apart from that, we are very different.
Sexuality and gender are not related, and can come in all sorts of combinations.
The old me never once contemplated looking at a man, but that seems to have changed.
Somewhere along the line, I seem to have acquired a new set of eyes. It's very peculiar suddenly finding men...attractive.
Growing up I never struggled to attract the pretty girls in the room. Nine times out of ten, I would get the one all my mates wanted.
I did it to show off more than anything else.
Once I got her - pop! My balloon started to deflate.
I liked holding hands, kissing, cuddling and being romantic. Clues in themselves!
When it came to a time where something more intimate was expected I would deliberately engineer a break-up.
Either by being totally rotten to the girl so she walked away, or by dreaming up the most ridiculous excuse.
I once split from a stunningly beautiful girl who looked like Audrey Hepburn by telling her that we couldn't go out any more because I suffered from acid indigestion.
Awful. I apologise to everyone I did this to as part of my game of one-upmanship with 'the lads.'
Perhaps I'm enjoying the attention of men because it's a form of validation? Or perhaps it's simply because my brain is finally syncing with my body?
I don't know.
Figuring out how - if at all - my relationships with family and friends might change is complex enough. Considering love and maybe meeting someone in the future is something I'm just not ready for at the moment.
One thing at a time. It's not a priority and has never been a driving factor behind reaching where I am today.
I'm a great believer in fate and going with the flow. What is meant to be will be.
Anyway, the fact that I'm looking washed out and someone still made the effort to get my telephone number is encouraging for the future, and a big tick.
My ego has been duly massaged!
